I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
