Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
