If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
