We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
