Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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