Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
