I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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