I wish I could punch you in the face.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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