The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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