Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
