you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
