I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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