I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
