Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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