I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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