his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
