i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
