I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
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the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
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I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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