I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
