are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
