About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Holy sore nipples Batman
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
