She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
