took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
