hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
