I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
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