I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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