I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
