I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
