last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
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I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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