I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
