how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
