Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
