gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
