:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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