what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
