I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize