tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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