i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize