oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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