i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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