Just took my morning after pill in the library
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
