I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
