we have officially mastered the walk of shame
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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