I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
40s are totally the cure
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
