so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
