can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
