you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
