I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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