I showed him my bush... on skype.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm at about main and main street
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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