You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
