I just threw up on my dentist
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
