dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
