oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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