Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Randomize
