apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
