sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize