I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
