just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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