first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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