Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
