you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
