I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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