this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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