You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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